The Evil Master Plan of Self-Help Gurus

*From the desk of the Secretary for HUSTLE – the evil organization for self-help gurus. 

Gary Vaynerchuk, Tony Robbins, Tim Ferriss. All are fellow members with us in a grand conspiracy against you, dear reader.

Yes, we are here today to reveal our evil master plan. We argued amongst ourselves as to who would have the honor.

We are the people who write and talk about self-improvement.

We want you to read our advice.

In fact, we want you to need it.

Because when you do take it and when you do need it, you feel very nice about yourself. You feel inspired. You feel pumped. And you don’t take action.

We get a head start on you for every minute you listen to our podcasts, read our blog posts, and watch our videos, and then do nothing. While you feel “pumped” to take action, we are consolidating our own empires.

We’ve neutralized some of our most fearsome potential competitors with this simple strategy.

We are learning the skills you have heard about from us but haven’t practiced.

We are making the mistakes you didn’t care to make in real life.

We are making the money you didn’t care to make in real life.

Sure, a few of you actually hear what we say and act. Regrettable mistakes, true, but we knew a few would fall through the traps when we began.

Overall, our plan has worked perfectly.

The rest of you are more engaged than ever. It’s been so delightful to see the common folk embracing the entrepreneurial dream – with emphasis on “dream.” As long as you are content to learn and prepare for entrepreneurship, we are content to continue feeding you. As long as you believe our brilliant lie, we are content.

Continue to believe that you can become great by gathering information. 

Whatever you do, do not turn off your podcast app. Remember to follow us on Medium. We would be very disappointed if we had to try other methods of keeping you in line.

Now be a good citizen and hustle on back to your next article on life hacks.

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*For the record, I love Tim Ferriss, Gary Vaynerchuk, and all those guys, in case it has to be said that this article is tongue in cheek. 

James Walpole

James Walpole is a writer, startup marketer, and perpetual apprentice. You're reading his blog right now, and he really appreciates it. Don't let it go to his head, though.

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