Are you lazy? Shiftless? Unmotivated? Do you spend all day clicking on links with cat pictures?

Most writers on virtue spend all of their time berating you. According to them, you’re morally bankrupt – the last kind of people to live virtuously.

Not so, say I. I think you’re going to be essential to the cause of truth in the world.

Because you know what takes a lot of work? Lies. Truth-bending. Bullshit

Creating bullshit responses to people’s bullshit is a full-time job, in fact. And I know you hate those.

Is your friend complaining about a deadbeat significant other? Conventional bullshit wisdom (CBW, for short) tells you to commiserate. CBW tells you to tell your friend how great they are and how lousy their partner is. CBW tells you not to offer solutions, because that’s not empathetic.

It takes a lot of work to keep that farce up.

I tell you to tell the truth. Your friend needs to exercise better judgment in companions. Instead of taking up the precious time you could spend napping, they should go think through their life.

Is someone complaining about the difficulty of their job? CBW tells you to commiserate. CBW tells you to listen to their complaints without commenting. CBW tells you to nod along understandingly when they blame other people for their problems.

You didn’t sign up for this, and you’re certainly not getting paid for it.

Cut the bullshit and tell the truth. Give your suggestions for solving the work problem. If the complainer won’t take your suggestions, they needs to leave their job, take their own action to improve their own situation, or just shut up about their complaints when they’re around you.

Far easier, right?

Friends complaining about their dreams not coming true? Same story. Family complaining about their family not visiting? Ditto.

Just tell the truth. It’s much simpler, much more loving (your friends need a lazy truthspeaker in their lives), and yes – much more accommodating for your lifestyle of maximum laziness.

Now, back to your cat picture search (and making the world a better place).

*This piece unwittingly morphed into a play on a style of lazy-people-exhortations perfected by FEE’s Eileen Wittig in The Lazy Millennial

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