It’s hard to be a father, and I can say that with confidence because I have made it hard for my own.
Part of the reason is that I’m flawed. But part relates to a paradox at the heart of the father-son relationship:
This line of thinking may be wrong, but it is powerful. The more desperate you are to make your father proud, the more unavoidable is the sting of correction. I know I have rejected my father’s attempts to teach and help and correct many times because of this sting, or because of a desire to please him by figuring things out on my own.
This is foolish of course, and all along he wants to give instruction and I need to receive it. But it is also true that he does respect me more when I do things for myself, and our relationship does improve based upon my independent mastery.
What is the solution? As with most paradoxes, I don’t think there is one. Some level of “breaking away” must always cooexist with “coming together” where father-son relationships are concerned. But at least by understanding each other, my father and I can bear those cycles with patience.
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